such giddy joy

26th December, 2006

Mango juice was the first taste of real food little M ever had. Sucking it with such giddy joy from his Mama's fingers. He's only on the basics now ~ mashed carrot, pumpkin, broccoli & rice. But occasionally when Mama has a mango little M's eyes light up & he bounces up & down until he gets to chew on the skin.

 Check out the grip on his Papa's fingers. 

& those two bottom toothy pegs.

6 months old!

16th December, 2006

Today Miles is 6 months old!

This is the first day he's been out without me! He & Paulie have gone to the shops to buy me a christmas pressie. And I'm ok.... 

he says 'mama, daddad,...

 ....bubbub' & rocks my world

a pic sms from my sweet P

'bear is now asleep.... shh, shh, shhhh'

live & learn & laugh

15th December, 2006

Christmas Carols on the foreshore....

Our first carols ~ the singing was bad, the weather was blustery & cold & our preparation was non-existent. But we still had fun. Grams came along for the fun ~ no surprise to anyone who knows what a xmas nutter she is & took these two pics for us. 

Maybe not the best start to a new family tradition 

but we live & learn & laugh all the same. 

we took the time

19th November, 2006

I cannot express how much I love this photograph. Nor how much I adore the memory & emotion it evokes. We had had a bad day. An unsettled baby, a stressed out Mama. The Papa came home & said go shower, lets go out for a while. So I did, then dressed little M in my favourite jumper & as we were about to head out the door we took the time to stand in the sunshine & take his piccy. I did not know I was in the shot. I did not expect our little cranky bundle to smile or cooperate. But when I looked at him dressed all in blue... 

well, you can see for your self. 

Thanks Sweet P, for making all of my days a little more sunny. 

And little M for for making my heart sing.

tiny little M

7th November, 2006

Little M is 4.5 months old. This is a little snippet taken on the dodgy mobile phone. 

time together

21st October, 2006

Sarah's hen's day/night. I won't share any pics.... ! 

Miles came with me for most of the afternoon. Then I took him home to Paulie, gave him a breastfeed & went back for another hour or so. The boys had a lovely time together.

Hi Mama, hope you're having fun. 

Dreaming of playing with you & our fairy friends, I love you xxoo

pic sms

it was cute.....

17th October, 2006

A little message from my cousin Beth ~

'Hey how are you? We've just been to see Grandma & thought I'd let you know she sounded pleased to see you guys & was saying how cute Miles is! It was cute.'

well who could blame her?

I kiss you softly

13.10.06

Baby Miles,

You will be four months old on Monday. I have not spent more than a few moments away from you in that time. We have been a part of one another since you chose me to be your Mama 12 months ago.

Today you are sleeping alone - in our big family bed & I'm waiting for you to wake so that I can kiss you again & feel the warmth you give back as you smile at me with that big gummy grin.

You don't usually sleep alone - you like me to be close. Even when you were days old if we weren't touching you would somehow wriggle closer to me. A hand, a cheek, a cuddle was always needed. By us both I think. But today you sleep alone. One hour now & I miss you.

You are hard work sometimes - emotionally & physically. You still wake 2-3 hourly day & night. You don't like the pram or the car & you demand constant attention. But all of that melts away if you cough or cry or smiile. My heart breaks everytime I think you're unhappy & everytime I know you love me.

You are becoming more cheeky. Lately you like to be wrapped up to go to sleep. When you were tiny you didn't. You liked to have your hands free, you would stretch out your fingers or lace them together. You would get upset even if they slipped into your sleeve. But now, for sleep you like to be wrapped.

I lay you down on your blanket & you wail then I wrap one side around you & you give me a big grin, then the other side & a smile so wide gets wider. Your eyes sparkle at me, I don't know if they say "thanks Mama for knowing" or "no way Mama, play with me" but I pop in your dummy & snuggle you close to me. Again you wail, then stop, close your eyes, sign & fall asleep. If you don't drift off quickly I kiss you softly beteween your eyes & sing twinkle little star (sometimes many times) & you soon doze off.

I love you little one. More than I understand. I hope I can be all that you need me to be. Love Mama.

the very sweetest

1st October, 2006

Oh my, oh my ~ Little M laughed. He really laughed. He giggled, he chuckled, he cackled even & we were so overwhelmed by the moment.

The three of us were lying happily in bed together, chatting, snuggling, kissing, waking slowly to the weekend. Little M was on the pillows & sweet P & I were on our bellies facing him. I can't recall the reason but he just started to laugh. It was the very sweetest thing. Sweeter than honey. We basked in the warmth & glow of it for as long as we could ~ well into the day. This is what memories are made of.

It also happens to be Heather's Birthday. 

A wonderful afternoon @ T'Gallant Vineyard

two thousand two hundred and twenty two hours

17th September, 2006

3 months yesterday......

I've spent pausing,

and wondering,

and falling,

into those eyes so wide & blue.

some sweetness

5th & 6th September, 2006

Our sweet P is away on a work trip. We miss him terribly. These are some sweet messages he sent us ~

' I wish my two favourite people were here with me, 

I miss you both so much.... kisses xxoo '

' Tell that beautiful little boy that his daddy loves him like nothing else & he can't wait for cuddles & smiles tomorrow '

Rare & Precious

19th August, 2006

Five minutes alone with a pen, a coffee & the sunshine. Oh my god!! 

Where to begin?

Miles is 9 weeks old!!!!

He is delightful, demanding, exhausting & exhilarating.

Things are going really well. People ask 'is he a good baby?' Of course he is. Who knows a naughty baby? They are all infants & they all depend entirely on their parents for food, warmth, comfort, nourishment & stimulation.

We choose to give all of the above to Miles on demand. Exhausting ~ yes. He sleeps with us at night & on us during the day. Which makes moments such as these rare & precious.

I wish he would sleep alone during the day but I find it comforting that he wants to be with us.

He will sleep alone in good time. I need to remember that he is still a tiny babe & needs his parents 24/7. Soon enough he'll be too big & won't want cuddles.

The hardest thing is not the physical exhaustion - that's heavy but tolerable & expected. The hardest thing is the emotional toll. When he cries & we can't comfort him. When he's sick & we can't explain to him why. & then there's my needs which are lacking & find me feeling down. I feel uninspired & uninspiring. I'm bored at home all day & have nothing to offer in conversation past nappy business. I'm managing to keep the house pretty clean & organised but it doesn't satisfy my need to feel useful & be creative. Those things will come back in time. Never the way they were before but they will come.

I need to remember the value & importance of what I do everyday with Miles.

Every song, every smile, every story shapes his personality & stimulates his interest in learning. What higher value is there in any other task?

(photo credits to Paulie)

beautiful angels

3rd August, 2006

From our sweet P ~ 

 'good morning my two beautiful angels, I miss you terribly, hope you had a good nite, will see you later for kisses & cuddles xxoo'

pic taken 12/8/06 with our crappy pentax

couldn't resist the moment

such complete wonderment

8th July, 2006

Miles is 3 weeks old. 

Paulie will go back to work on Monday. 

(He has already extended his leave by one week).

How do we feel?

overwhelmed

protected

amazed

humbled

disconnected from the rest of the world. 

We have not heard a news report, a weather prediction, or a footy score. Our bliss bubble has been protected & honoured by our visitors & our family who have so strongly held it for us. 

We are in such complete wonderment over our baby boy. His eyes are wise & wide. Already they are knowing & questioning, seeking out answers. Look at how small he is, a tiny babe. And yet such vulnerability is in Paulie. We cannot believe that we have been so blessed. That we are the ones he chose. That we get to share & grow & wonder & love him.

This dummy I've kept, as a visual reminder of this time, this size. 

It will stay safe in his treasure box. 

With his umbilical cord & his first lock of hair. 

little angel boy

29th June, 2006

We took Miles to the beach for the very first time. Actually this was the first time we took Miles anywhere. It seemed right that his first experience outside of our home should be in the embrace of mama earth.

Still such a tiny little dot, you would hardly notice him except for all the layers of blanket.

The sun shone his warmth & golden rays, the water lapped peacefully & the wind slowed to barley a breath. Our little angel boy slept peacefully through it all, content in his Papa's arms.

We asked for a treasure to take home that day. 

A reminder of Milo's first introduction to the natural world. 

We could not have been more pleased with our gift.

Connected to & nurtured by the angels watching over. 

little dude

21st June, 2006

'Hey Mama n Papa n little dude hope ur all well just wanted 2 say how amazing u are im so happy n excited love u 2 bits enjoy the rest of ur day kisses' ~ a sms from Auntie Danielle

Treasure

20th June, 2006

I feel like there just aren't enough memories. That the photos are too few & too poor to tell the story. That I wish I wish I wish I wish that we had of thought of having a photographer capture those moments. 

I was so precious about not using flash, about not waking a sleeping babe. I was right by him each moment as he didn't like to be alone. 

I was so sure this time would last. That I could photograph him after this feed, after this sleep, tomorrow. This weekend.

And then it was over. He grew! And there is so little to show how much he was loved. How tiny he was. How we could do nothing else but sit & watch him as the hours ticked by.

And so I am overwhelmed & grateful when I stumble over little treasures like this....

Not much but the light was good, the sound ok & the love in our voices, well. 

Can you hear it too?

pausing

18th June, 2006

2 days old

This babe, as yet unnamed, 

                                                        already

                                                                        smiling

in his mama's arms

22nd June, 2006

6 days old

Miles Percival Ryan

So tiny.

So perfect.

All consuming.

away

8th May, 2006

I miss my Georgie, I miss my Julie. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Angel dust & sweet dreams to my special two.

~ from Sweet P away on business.

four small walls

May, 2006

Wendy's 35th birthday.

Dinner at our favourite old haunt Harro's. Many a happy moment created & cherished in those four small walls. 

terrible photos... i don't even know who took them

it clearly wasn't me, i could hardly get out of the chair that night. probably about 35 weeks pregnant!

professionals!

April, 2006

Paulie & Boomsie.... insulation installation professionals! & amateur bird nest removalists.

 

thanks boys :)

day dreaming

24th April, 2006

"Hiya little Georgie. We just had a massage you & me. Ahhh.....

We went to Rye ocean beach this morning & watched the waves roll in. It was so noisy. The sun was shining on my back & keeping us toasty warm.

I wonder if you'll love the water as much as me? We think about you all the time & daydream about you.... "

pics taken by Paulie on my very last day of work ~ 19/5/06

Posterior Babies

March, 2006

"We saw Brenda for a checkup & both felt amazing when we left. She is so inspiring & empowering, She showed us the shape of my uterus & said that poppet has got lots of room. She explained that as the placenta is at the front of my belly & the baby likes to face it, he would probably be posterior (same as me). She gave us some simple exercises which will encourage the babe to turn to the back. She reassured us that posterior babies are born the same way as other babies, only a little more slowly. We can do this :) So baby, how about you concentrate on turning around the right way & I'll concentrate on being peaceful & keeping you well & healthy & we'll meet in about 15 weeks. No sooner ok."

5 months pregnant

painting, dreaming, dancing

8th February, 2006

I love these photos my sweet P took. I was in another world. Painting, dreaming, dancing. I had head phones on & had no idea he was even there. Sneaky monkey.

Check out the bump. I was about 22 weeks pregnant....

I can't wait...

3rd February, 2006

"Have I mentioned yet how much I adore Paulie....

It's late on a friday night. Paulie has his buddy S over ~ wine, JB vids, tunes, laughs & conversation. All those wonderful things. He plays songs he knows I love, he plays songs which make my heart sing & by body dance. He plays songs which awaken the spirit inside me & remind me why I want to be a mama. So I smile out loud, I dance around the house in my slippery, fluffy socks. I hold this baby in my belly so close & so tight. I love being pregnant. I love being a mama. I love Paulie being a papa. I love the home we're making for our little family. I love this little person inside of me. I love the spirit of him which is not so little. I love all of the things he will teach us & all of the things we will teach him. I can't wait... "

I smile

20th January, 2006

My belly is filling out now. I notice it all the time during the day because it gets in my way. In the nicest possible way. It feels like I'm leaning hard into something but its the bubba :) It's nice to be reminded all day long. I smile.

When we went to Brenda she measured my tummy with a tape measure '20cm' ~ just right for 'dates'. She then measured '40cm' & held it over my belly & said 'this is how big you'll be at full term'. Oh my god! That's an awful lot of growing & stretching to do in 20 weeks. I wonder why babies don't get stretch marks?