I love this shot.
I love the movement. I love the laughter. I love the bandaid, 10 days old and stinky.
But mostly I love what is not seen.
I see a boy who was a baby, one year ago. I see a boy who has been waiting, ever so patiently.
I see a boy, overflowing with the joy of being fully in my frame. While the littler baby is out of frame, not having his one year photographs taken.
I see all that I've missed so much and all I can't wait to enjoy.
JM you are the happy in my heart. My love for you is boundless. x Mama
If only he'd sleep in bed. At 11am. When I want him to.
We cuddle up together at 11, we snuggle in & I smell his (still) baby skin. His soft curls fall against my cheek & I wrap my arm around his round belly. He holds my hand & cuddles my arm. It feels so good.
In the midst of the talk about new-baby, about big-brother, about change. It feels so very good, to have these moments together. I cherish them with all my heart. My womb-space longs for his babyhood, for the need to protect it & make it last as-ever-as-long-as-I-can. My heart breaks open with the sweetness of him. So tiny & so big.
So much love contained in one little body.
But sleep at 11 he does not.
Instead he loves it too. He sinks into it and soaks it all up. He cannot sleep for the joy of our embrace.
Instead he falls asleep later. And then he's awake much later at night than somebody only just 2 should be.
And really, I don't mind a bit x
We like to walk. We need to walk. And wander.
If I'm in the garden, pulling weeds or visiting the plants, little J will take me by the hand. He looks at me with those big beautiful eyes, they inquire and decide in the same moment. He leads me down the driveway and onto the road. There's no way to refuse. I call for little M, "Let's go for a walk Milo, hurry". "What about the door Mama? Have you got the keys? Where are we going Mama?"
Nevermind the details, lets wander together.
And so we do.
Along and around and up and across and back. It never takes long before this little wanderer decides he will only walk on the road and not the grass. I'm patient. I gently lift him onto the grass, I hold his chubby little hand, I coax. He does not budge. He walks onto the road. I'm patient, I coax. And around we go again. And then I carry him home. Frustrated by his stubbornness and grateful for this closeness.
And just a teeny bit nervous about what's to come...
My house is a mess, the washing needs to be put away. Milo has a new friend coming to play tomorrow with his Mum. I really should be tidying up but it’s driving me crazy that I haven’t been in touch for soooooo long and so I left my dishrag on the bench, wiped my hands on my apron and sat down here to type.
I miss you both so much. Every time we think we have carved out a way to visit, the winds blow in and the sands change. You are in my thoughts all of the time. Milo often talks of you both and asks when we can visit again. Did you get the seeds he sent you?
He wanted to send you a gift thought that all farmers need seeds, so he chose those.
They were good ones from diggers. I hope they took.
Milo is in Class 1. He came home yesterday talking about Degarni, the Dangerous Dragon who lives in the Deep Dark Dungeon. They are learning letters. IT makes me so happy and also so surprised that he is already this ‘old’. I thought that sitting at a desk would be a challenge for him but he seems to be doing well. We have a parent/teacher interview tonight so I guess I will soon find out if his teacher thinks so too.
Jasper is 3!!! Thank you for the cards you send on our birthdays. We so love to receive them. Jasper is a delight. He is soo funny. Such a great sense of humour. He is my soft one. He will be my baby long after Noah I think. He is also STUBBORN. Bloody redheads :-) He wants to go to a ballet class. I think he got the idea from cousin Mia. He asks me every single day. I’m taking him for a trial next week.
Noah is 8 months. Just a couple of weeks ago, when he was still 7 months, he learned to sit up alone, crawl properly and pull himself to standing (one handed). All in one week.
He is in a hurry. Still no teeth. He wont let me feed him with a spoon, he will only eat what he can feed himself. He has a crazy bad temper. But is so determined. These children sure can tach us a lot.....! He is lovely. He laughs all the time at Jasper and Milo , its the sweetest thing to hear your children giggling together.
Paul is playing heaps of music these days. We have made some wonderful new friends in Balnarring, all musical, openhearted, peaceful folk. We are Blessed to have such good people in our lives. Still he doesn’t like his job. I hate that he has to go and do something everyday that he hates so much.
Married 11 years this coming Saturday! Married with 3 children even. I am not qualified for this level of responsibility. I think there must have been a mix up somewhere.
I am so IN THIS. There is little room for anything else. I need to be patient and know that it will come soon enough. My biggest challenge is organisation. I want it. I desire it. I constantly strive for it. And yet, I also reject it. I am rebelling against myself it seems!
How are you both? I am so pleased to hear your news about the farm. Are are the new house plans coming along? What will you do with Chocco?
So much love to you both. Always.
x Julie, Paul, Milo, Jasper & Noah "
(Photo from 27th August, 2012 ~ that's 5 months ago!!!)
I have this friend.
She is a light worker. What ever that means.
She is the one who first taught me to 'follow the light'.
She is the one I turn to in my sadness. And in my joy.
In my confusion she holds my hand, and weaves a cord from my tangled web back towards the light.
She is my Sister. She is my Mother. She is my Midwife.
She is my Angel.
And together we travel this endless cycle. BirthLifeDeath.
I am Blessed.
I've lost my ability to edit. Never one of my strong points, but now it seems as the months pass by so quickly and the moments to reflect are so few, I want to remember everything. Every detail, every expression, every sound, every emotion. And I am so overwhelmed with that.
I (finally) finished editing a family photo session today. There are twice as many photographs to present as there 'should' be. Because I cannot know which moments that Mama wants to remember, and so I gave her them all.
But it's not just my photographs. Editing is needed in every area of my life right now.
Or maybe it's Lilith.
Moon in Scorpio.
Head in hands.