27th May, 2010
I have written the first line to this post countless times.
Each time I hit delete.
My feelings, my fears, are a little too raw.
And yet this is the reality of the moment.
I don't like the change in seasons.
I prefer the destination.
I have poor balance.
And so, on this night, the moon in her fullness calls me to be true and to celebrate myself. All of myself. I fear that I don't know how to 'share myself' between my boys. And my man. I fear that when I talk about the love and pride I feel for one, I consequently dismiss the other. I feel guilty when Milo watches me play with Jasper and I feel guilty when I break Jaspers gaze to respond to Milo. I want to lie in stillness with all of them and know that each is cloaked in my love and I want to run screaming to a place of solitude where my thoughts, my desires and my body is truly my own.
And I want to stay in this moment forever. This crazy, uncertain, maddening time of parenting a four month old and an almost four year old. I wish I could hold onto it for eternity.
These photos were taken on the 20th April. Mid Autumn.
I love the depth of the Seasons.
I like to know where I'm going.
My safety net stretches far.
(unedited pics - embracing the raw)