Thursday, May 27, 2010


27th May, 2010

I have written the first line to this post countless times.
Each time I hit delete.
My feelings, my fears, are a little too raw.
And yet this is the reality of the moment.

I don't like the change in seasons.
I prefer the destination.
I have poor balance.

And so, on this night, the moon in her fullness calls me to be true and to celebrate myself. All of myself. I fear that I don't know how to 'share myself' between my boys. And my man. I fear that when I talk about the love and pride I feel for one, I consequently dismiss the other. I feel guilty when Milo watches me play with Jasper and I feel guilty when I break Jaspers gaze to respond to Milo. I want to lie in stillness with all of them and know that each is cloaked in my love and I want to run screaming to a place of solitude where my thoughts, my desires and my body is truly my own.
And I want to stay in this moment forever. This crazy, uncertain, maddening time of parenting a four month old and an almost four year old. I wish I could hold onto it for eternity.

These photos were taken on the 20th April. Mid Autumn.

I love the depth of the Seasons.
I like to know where I'm going.
My safety net stretches far.

(unedited pics - embracing the raw)


softearthart said...

One is born into the world, and leads ones life up to a point.Then a gift from the heavens is placed in your arms a babe, two precious children,you were chosen by them to care and love them,this now becomes your destiny,you are no longer the person that you were,you can not go back, but only forward, together with your man, as parents to these two little boys. You are their world and they are now yours. love and light Marie

Moment to Moment said...

wonderful heartfelt words, I love you honesty, I remember feeling the same way when mine were about those ages,
Blessings on this beautiful journey..