metamorphis

20th February, 2011

"If I driiiink, butterfly teeeeaa,

then i will tuuuurn intoo a butterflyyyyy.

And if you driiiink, butterfly teeeeaa,

then you will tuuuurn intoo a butterflyyyyy.

And if Mama driiiinks, butterfly teeeeaa,

then Mama will tuuuurn intoo a butterflyyyyy.

And if Jasper driiiinks, butterfly teeeeaa,

then Jasper will tuuuurn intoo a butterflyyyyy."

"And if I driiiink, normal teeeeaa,

then i will tuuuurn back intoo Miiiilo.

And if you driiiink, normal teeeeaa,

then you will tuuuurn back intoo daaaaaaadaaa.

And if Mama driiiinks, normal teeeeaa,

then Mama will tuuuurn back intoo maaaaaamaa.

And if Jasper driiiinks, normal teeeeaa,

then Jasper will tuuuurn back intoo Jaaaassssperrr."

Cafe Kid

17th February, 2011

Brother is at Kinder. It's only a few hours. Once a week we visit Main St. I pack a snack. We have a 'cino together. He charms the passers-by.... And his Mama.

A Peace Baby

February 14th, 2011

A Peace Baby. That was what the nurses called him.

Born 11.11.1972.

("A Peace sign, for Dadda" painted by Milo Jan 2011)

He's carried that label, and worn it and although he's probably hid from it at times, he has always owned it.

That Peace Baby grew into the family Peacemaker and then into the Peaceful man I fell in love with.

I cannot say that his sense of Peace was the first thing I fell for, but it was this sense of Peace which indeed allowed me to fall so deeply.

I am humbled and honoured to stand beside this man of Peace. And as our sons observe and learn and mimic the actions of their Dadda, I am overwhelmingly grateful that he is a man so worthy of imitation.

Blessed be the Peacemakers. xo

Grateful

11th February, 2011

For all kinds of growth.

For abundance.

For opportunity.

four

February 9th, 2011

The tides have turned.

We all struggle at times with how four is.

In this moment, four is frustration

four is antagonising

four is negotiation

and four is not enough.

Of time, of patience, of sleep, of understanding.

What is four for you?

a wee break

9th September, 2010

We drove through a lot of this beauty full ness,

tackled fireman's poles and giant marbles along the way,

and eventually arrived at an old place we called home for a few days.

Mama had the terrible idea of taking a tour through the old gold mine,

the men climbed a big hill,

the rest of us walked along a quiet stream and watched as the rain fluttered to ground.

Then.

For the first time.

The boys saw snow.

We had great fun with great people,

Learnt the fine art of tobogganing in little snow on a non-slope,

And remembered to stop and smile.

There was love all around.

xo

Walhalla 2010

the miraculous & the mundane

January, 2007

The miraculous and the mundane.

The days I thought I would lose my mind

if I saw the inside of these four walls for one moment longer.

The moments he smiles.

The hours when nothing works

to soothe or comfort & I wonder how I could get it so wrong.

The times his cheek brushes against mine & takes my breath away.

The moments I wonder how I became invisible

to all those who loved me before I was two.

The days when the sunlight spills through the windows

& warms us both on the floor.

When he kicks his legs with glee & stretches his wobbly hand towards me.

We see the faeries dancing in the space between.

Piccys taken Jan '07, thoughts flowed much later.

my hero

12th July, 2010

He climbs tall trees,

vacuums,

holds the baby,

gets his gear off for photos,

and totally rocks my world x

grrr....

13th June, 2010

TEETH!

Two bottom teeth came through within a week of each other when

Jasper was 4.5 months.

Thankful everyday for Baltic Amber.

Not so thankful for two bleeding holes in my nipple :(

Lucky for him he's so cute.

the perfect time

25th February, 2010

As pen never gets to paper I'm using the voice recorder on my phone.

There are some random thoughts recorded late at night.....

i don't want to forget and i'm waiting for the perfect time to write the perfect words and define the memories and the emotion and there is no perfect time. actually every moment is pretty perfect at the moment. but. but i've not made the time to step away and so i need to do it now. i just need to say how precious, precious this wee boy is how he smiled at me when he was two days old, his second day in the world and he smiled at me.

i look at him and he looks at me and i feel like i am alive and i feel like i have come home and i feel no fear. he is feeding and he's happy and god he's on me all day, he is a dream baby and yet i still wear him every day. he doesn't want to sleep without me but i understand it this time. i understand that nine months in nine months out. that's the way it should be. it would be nice to wrap him and leave him in a crib for a couple of hours but its not natural. and we miss each each other and he wants me, his mama and i don't see anything wrong with that. its so different because i couldn't do that with miles there was no question he had to be with his mama and i could probably teach jasper to sleep on his own, he's a lot calmer, he likes sleep, he has a full belly so he is content and with a bit of protest i could possibly teach him to sleep on his own or possibly thats just our experience in the hospital speaking but i dont want to. i want to have him in the wrap while I get around the house I want to hear him breathing and have him squished up with me. i don't want him to feel like he's alone in the world. cos he's not, he doesn't need to be and so he's on me all day. and every now and again that can be overwhelming and it will get more exhausting as he gets heavier but i don't want to change it.