tiny little M

7th November, 2006

Little M is 4.5 months old. This is a little snippet taken on the dodgy mobile phone. 

time together

21st October, 2006

Sarah's hen's day/night. I won't share any pics.... ! 

Miles came with me for most of the afternoon. Then I took him home to Paulie, gave him a breastfeed & went back for another hour or so. The boys had a lovely time together.

Hi Mama, hope you're having fun. 

Dreaming of playing with you & our fairy friends, I love you xxoo

pic sms

it was cute.....

17th October, 2006

A little message from my cousin Beth ~

'Hey how are you? We've just been to see Grandma & thought I'd let you know she sounded pleased to see you guys & was saying how cute Miles is! It was cute.'

well who could blame her?

I kiss you softly

13.10.06

Baby Miles,

You will be four months old on Monday. I have not spent more than a few moments away from you in that time. We have been a part of one another since you chose me to be your Mama 12 months ago.

Today you are sleeping alone - in our big family bed & I'm waiting for you to wake so that I can kiss you again & feel the warmth you give back as you smile at me with that big gummy grin.

You don't usually sleep alone - you like me to be close. Even when you were days old if we weren't touching you would somehow wriggle closer to me. A hand, a cheek, a cuddle was always needed. By us both I think. But today you sleep alone. One hour now & I miss you.

You are hard work sometimes - emotionally & physically. You still wake 2-3 hourly day & night. You don't like the pram or the car & you demand constant attention. But all of that melts away if you cough or cry or smiile. My heart breaks everytime I think you're unhappy & everytime I know you love me.

You are becoming more cheeky. Lately you like to be wrapped up to go to sleep. When you were tiny you didn't. You liked to have your hands free, you would stretch out your fingers or lace them together. You would get upset even if they slipped into your sleeve. But now, for sleep you like to be wrapped.

I lay you down on your blanket & you wail then I wrap one side around you & you give me a big grin, then the other side & a smile so wide gets wider. Your eyes sparkle at me, I don't know if they say "thanks Mama for knowing" or "no way Mama, play with me" but I pop in your dummy & snuggle you close to me. Again you wail, then stop, close your eyes, sign & fall asleep. If you don't drift off quickly I kiss you softly beteween your eyes & sing twinkle little star (sometimes many times) & you soon doze off.

I love you little one. More than I understand. I hope I can be all that you need me to be. Love Mama.

the very sweetest

1st October, 2006

Oh my, oh my ~ Little M laughed. He really laughed. He giggled, he chuckled, he cackled even & we were so overwhelmed by the moment.

The three of us were lying happily in bed together, chatting, snuggling, kissing, waking slowly to the weekend. Little M was on the pillows & sweet P & I were on our bellies facing him. I can't recall the reason but he just started to laugh. It was the very sweetest thing. Sweeter than honey. We basked in the warmth & glow of it for as long as we could ~ well into the day. This is what memories are made of.

It also happens to be Heather's Birthday. 

A wonderful afternoon @ T'Gallant Vineyard

two thousand two hundred and twenty two hours

17th September, 2006

3 months yesterday......

I've spent pausing,

and wondering,

and falling,

into those eyes so wide & blue.

some sweetness

5th & 6th September, 2006

Our sweet P is away on a work trip. We miss him terribly. These are some sweet messages he sent us ~

' I wish my two favourite people were here with me, 

I miss you both so much.... kisses xxoo '

' Tell that beautiful little boy that his daddy loves him like nothing else & he can't wait for cuddles & smiles tomorrow '

Rare & Precious

19th August, 2006

Five minutes alone with a pen, a coffee & the sunshine. Oh my god!! 

Where to begin?

Miles is 9 weeks old!!!!

He is delightful, demanding, exhausting & exhilarating.

Things are going really well. People ask 'is he a good baby?' Of course he is. Who knows a naughty baby? They are all infants & they all depend entirely on their parents for food, warmth, comfort, nourishment & stimulation.

We choose to give all of the above to Miles on demand. Exhausting ~ yes. He sleeps with us at night & on us during the day. Which makes moments such as these rare & precious.

I wish he would sleep alone during the day but I find it comforting that he wants to be with us.

He will sleep alone in good time. I need to remember that he is still a tiny babe & needs his parents 24/7. Soon enough he'll be too big & won't want cuddles.

The hardest thing is not the physical exhaustion - that's heavy but tolerable & expected. The hardest thing is the emotional toll. When he cries & we can't comfort him. When he's sick & we can't explain to him why. & then there's my needs which are lacking & find me feeling down. I feel uninspired & uninspiring. I'm bored at home all day & have nothing to offer in conversation past nappy business. I'm managing to keep the house pretty clean & organised but it doesn't satisfy my need to feel useful & be creative. Those things will come back in time. Never the way they were before but they will come.

I need to remember the value & importance of what I do everyday with Miles.

Every song, every smile, every story shapes his personality & stimulates his interest in learning. What higher value is there in any other task?

(photo credits to Paulie)

beautiful angels

3rd August, 2006

From our sweet P ~ 

 'good morning my two beautiful angels, I miss you terribly, hope you had a good nite, will see you later for kisses & cuddles xxoo'

pic taken 12/8/06 with our crappy pentax

couldn't resist the moment

such complete wonderment

8th July, 2006

Miles is 3 weeks old. 

Paulie will go back to work on Monday. 

(He has already extended his leave by one week).

How do we feel?

overwhelmed

protected

amazed

humbled

disconnected from the rest of the world. 

We have not heard a news report, a weather prediction, or a footy score. Our bliss bubble has been protected & honoured by our visitors & our family who have so strongly held it for us. 

We are in such complete wonderment over our baby boy. His eyes are wise & wide. Already they are knowing & questioning, seeking out answers. Look at how small he is, a tiny babe. And yet such vulnerability is in Paulie. We cannot believe that we have been so blessed. That we are the ones he chose. That we get to share & grow & wonder & love him.

This dummy I've kept, as a visual reminder of this time, this size. 

It will stay safe in his treasure box. 

With his umbilical cord & his first lock of hair.